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forever 23/ civil servant
im different, some just dont get it. dont judge, dont assume. green, shopping, sports, photography, metal, indie made me hyped!

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Haa... Beri perhatian kepada orang yang paling memerlukan.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015 || 3:05 p.m.

Sometimes when we lose someone it's best we take a look at our priorities. Or how we prioritize things around us. Here's a good movie to relate to what I'm saying.

Coco graduation 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015 || 12:08 a.m.

The day after I ended my final lap, I worked that very night and attended her graduation straight after night shift. It was a beautiful sight to see many smiles and laughter of the students who graduated. Indeed, I could reminisce the feeling, I wasn't really ecstatic the fact that I graduated, I just felt very relieved. Like, finally, I've gotten this piece of paper which could probably provide me a job of a better income.

Yep and guess it did, in some ways. No, I didn't choose to pursue working in the same line as what I've studied but I do make use of some of the skills that I've learnt throughout the 3 years. No, it wasn't a waste being in that course for 3 years, I've learnt a lot of useful skills that I could use till now. Also, thanks to being in that course, it has broaden my prospect on design and gradually, I've learnt to find my real interest.

So, once again, congratulations for making it happen!

Yours truly,

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The only thing that is constant is changes
Thursday, May 21, 2015 || 12:06 a.m.

It was hilarious how we reminisce of the days we started contacting each other and how simple events lead to another. Honestly, I didn't expect things to be the way we are now but I'm glad it did. He's been a positive partner giving me motivation and words of encouragement to pull through the challenges that I'm facing now.

The previous one wasn't as easy as I thought. No, I'm not talking about partner, about a task that I went through. Somehow, I don't think I've the confident to score but I wont let it affect me for the next one. The next one is tougher to absorb. I could understand and apply it but putting it down in words is way tougher than practising it.

I'm absorbing so much on how things should be view and to manage problems better at this stage of life. Whatever that I'm learning has been very useful to me and my relationship with the people around me.

Up till now, I'm glad to say I've achieve 2 out of the few above 70. And that's quite an achievement for me. More to come and i'll share more of my challenges in time to come. Thankfully, juggling work and studies is still manageable for me, as of now.

Shall see how I perform soon.
All the best to those who are struggling.
May god have mercy on us. :)

Yours truly,

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1 down 2 more to go!
Wednesday, May 13, 2015 || 5:26 p.m.

The fist after decades of not writing continuously. I admit, I was struggling to write as much as I could. For the past 3 years of being in the colleague, I didn't even have to write a proper one. However, now is completely different. At some parts, I need to stretch my palms to allow some blood circulations to take place. I hardly have the time to even put the pen down. Blame my weak bladder, I've to rush to the loo in the middle and rushed back to complete it.

Despite all that, I'm thankful that I managed to answer most of it and totally relieved that 1 is down and 2 more to go. Honestly, I'm not so confident of the last one because I've yet to even read on it. :(

Please wish me luck. To all facing the endless struggles, may god have mercy on us.

By the way, I had a good workout with B yesterday. He spent his off day guiding me the proper techniques of weight lifting and some core exercises for toning. hee! Loved that session.

Yours truly,

So much is coming in
Friday, May 08, 2015 || 12:16 a.m.

At this stage in my life, I'm only in the beginning of a new journey but I'm enjoying what I'm doing so much because I get to learn so much which concerns us and our lives. It is unimaginable how the human life development starts from infant till we aged. The kind of support and attachment that we received from our parents has such a big impact to the kind of person that we are today.

With that being said, I wonder upon those who grew up without any biological parents or been brought up with much pressure and hostility, it's a pity how such innocent souls are brought up in such environment. Indeed, the socioeconomic status of the individual also plays a big influence on the well being of the kid. I wouldn't say that my family is well off but we are just average and I'm thankful and blessed that despite the shortcomings, my parents managed to bring me up successfully academically along with positive interpersonal skills.

This new information that I'm learning is opening my world so much to how we should treat our little ones, how we should behave around them and how the kind of environment influences the well being of the child.

I had a friend who turned out to be unhappy most of the time, filled with aggression and hostility within oneself and have poor peer relations. From what I knew, she was brought up in an authoritarian parenting style, where the parents were very strict towards her. Limiting her abilities and threatening her throughout her life. That resulted her in being rebellious and fearful most of the time. Her ways of rebelling were usually done behind the eyes of her parents. She rebelled by resorting to taking harmful substances which could damage her health. Not only that, she has some anger management issues. That showed her poor handling in emotion regulation. She even resorted to violence at some point in her life when she's blinded with jealousy and angst.

Later on, I got to know more about her parents. Not only, they brought her up in such a rigid and hostile environment but also, she was physically abused throughout her life especially during childhood to adolescence. It was really that bad at that fact that her mother used to restrain her from struggling while the dad physically abused her. That was their way of disciplining her.

In my opinion, that incident could probably influence her sexuality in being gay now. It was probably due to the fact that she was abused badly in the past by a man, that it is hard for her to feel secured, receive love and warmth from a guy. This is just my hypothesis. As I've learnt how past experiences affects the way we are in the present. However, I didn't get the opportunity to personally ask her with regards to these issues.

Now, we can't really blame an individual who behaved in such ways. What we could do is helping them through whatever means that we could. If they need that emotional support that they've been missing through their life, we help them by being there. Of course, one who don't have a deep understanding in the child's development might give such comments as 'she's old enough. she could think what's good and bad for herself. instead of letting the past affects her.'

Well, probably... But, it is not that easy to be done. Most of the time, these group of people should go through counselling or therapy to help them understand and regulate their emotions better but they don't. In fact, they are clueless they are actually in need of such therapy. Most of the time, they thought that they're perfectly normal and they do not have any idea how their past experiences actually influences them as to how they are now.

So, to my dear readers, the next time when you meet a troubled individual, do not jump to assumptions as you don't know the kind of shit they went through.

Help them, help yourself. When you're a parent, feed your little ones with love, warmth and much comfort.

I will share more of what I've learnt as time goes by. This is just some 2-cents worth of what I've learnt so far.

Yours truly,

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Catching up while mugging
Saturday, May 02, 2015 || 9:29 p.m.

Today was my first outdoor mugging date with ayg. Both of us are going to face some exams in a matter of weeks and I have to fully utilize every free minute that I have. We had it somewhere within walking distance from our houses. Well, the place we went to wasn't really a conducive place for mugging but we were left to no choice.

I think we mugged for about 5 hours or so? Somewhere in between we took pauses and used it for catching up. So it was totally refreshing that we could distract our mind away for a while. I love the fact that we both have similar mindset on some common topics because, truly, it's magical! hehehe.

We ended the day off by having dinner at KFC. It's been a long time since I last ate at KFC and truly, I am disappointed with the quality of the chicken. I felt like as if I was eating crap. ;( I ordered 2 piece chicken set meal, changed one of the side to cheese fries and that already costs me $10.40? I was quite taken aback with the price actually. Totally didn't expect the price to reach that amount for the kind of serving that I received.

Even the size of the chicken given were pathetic.

urghh. In this case, MCD is much better or even tenderfresh or tender best. It's much worth spending on these places as compared to KFC if you're looking for fried chicken. I still remember the days where KFC used to be so affordable, along with generous servings. Guess their chickens are malnutrition. hehehe.

Anyway, spending time with ayg always helps me in reflecting back past the days and remembering that for everything that happens, there is a purpose/reason for it. Thank you god for giving me ayg. The one who's been there through ups and downs.

'I'm pretty much contented with how things are now and where I am.' I have to agree to some extent, I'm truly happy for her as she is happy with the state she is now. Alhamdulillah, all blessings from the almighty for given us much love and great companions.

I have to go through 3 freaking papers and god have mercy on me. On a happy note, yesterday was quite memorable for me. :)
I've always love stargazing and tomorrow is such an important date.

Yours truly,


How does it happen?
Sunday, April 19, 2015 || 8:32 p.m.

Guess when some people thought it's almost impossible for us to meet due to different shifts, I'd say, it's all up to how you plan your time. Of course the frequency of meet ups is not high due to shifts but it could happen if we want to make it happen. :)

Yesterday, we had a date to fish&co and I managed to get my errands done. Alhamdulillah. Not only that, I managed to get a pair of sandals for myself also! I'm so... in need of a new sandals.
And today...someone is planning to have a short meet up with me. :)

Blessed and thankful.
To my darl, I pray that you have a fast recovery. Don't think she'll read this but still, I could understand the pain that she's going through. Reminded me of one of my Bb who got into an accident. Urgh.

To all, drive/ride safely.

Yours truly,


Toasties at Tampines
Saturday, April 11, 2015 || 7:17 p.m.

My intention on this post was to do a review on my first time vising toasties at Tampines. However, it won't be purely a review on just toasties but alittle more of what I went through today.

I was working in the morning. Work was as usual, nothing new. No excitement or juicy gossips whatever. So, I was working as per normal when I received a shocking news from him. Not another incident due to carelessness. Initially, I was feeling very disappointed. Suddenly, I felt stressed and my mood totally went down. A part of me also pissed with how it happened. I knew I could react very bad to the situation but I calmed myself and reflect on how I would be feeling if I am in that situation instead.

At that very thought, it changed the way I look at things. In deed everything happens for a reason and probably, this incident serve as a lesson for us. So, I took it positively and tried to console him in every way that I could. We were supposed to meet for a movie. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, plans have to change. I was already thinking of what to do and the whatnots due to the incident.

Towards the end of my shift, I received a surprising news. It had been found. At that point of time it touched me so much. To know how something that could be taken away from us in a split second and yet, if we have faith in him, it could be returned in a matter of seconds as well. Syukran kasiroon. We met at a familiar location, I rushed as we have limited time for the day.

But he made me wait with a hungry stomach and a hot weather, such a bad combination! I was so cranky ttm! Things became smoother after that. Since it was a changed of plans, I've no idea where we're heading etc I wasn't in the mood to ask as well. And so, I just follow suit.

Then, I realized we're heading to toasties! :) hehehe. My first time being there, it was not so difficult to go there as we had a transport and he was very good with directions. I would rate at 3/5. I ordered grilled chicken set meal. Their concept is very much similar as Subway. Freedom to choose types of vegetables and sauces. In addition to that, self service of filling up your drinks. That meal for the day is enough to satisfy my hunger. I would recommend it to people who love sandwiches. The service provided was also positive. Fast and friendly staffs.

A meal includes a side of either cheesy sausages or nachos with cheese! The rates are quite affordable. My sister was asking my opinion on which is better? Yellow submarine of Toasties?

Obviously, I would say Toasties! Yellow submarine was such a disappointment.

So here's my review for Toasties. Okay, you people can go can try!.

Yours truly,

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28/3 to 31/3 Langkawi
Friday, April 03, 2015 || 12:49 p.m.

Below are the unedited photos of our 4d3n first vacation together, after about 10years or more of friendship. As for me&arep, it's our second time travelling together. During this trip, we got to know more of each other annoying habits. All the farts and whatevernots. Gosh.

Overall, truly enjoyed our trip. I would say it's quite a relaxing trip. Ironically, we didn't do much physical activities but once we returned back to our room, we always end up lying on the bed, enjoying the aircon. Probably, it's due to the heat that causes us to be shagged. hehehe. I kept asking myself why does it feels tired despite not doing much for this vacay? hehe. we're getting old. We didn't even stay up late in the night till morning. I think at most about 1-2am, we're already in our deep sleep. That's when we create our own music. If you know what I mean. hehe!

Langkawi is indeed such a beautiful place, filled with preserved natural spaces. I'm truly in awe looking at all the gorgeous creations by almighty. It's breathtaking! Good thing about Langkawi, there weren't much tourist or vehicles. So driving was quite a breeze and we rented a car, in which, I felt we didn't really fully utilize it for all days. But atleast all of us managed to drive it around.

It's been a while that I drove a manual. Wish I've more time to get used to it. I love the cable car & view from the top but if only the weather wasn't so sunny I could have stayed at the skybridge longer. We went to visit some fish feeding at a kelong and tried their gigantic clams which I don't even know the real name of it. Each of that clams costs RM 5 but it's so tasty and juicy! OMGGG. I don't think JB have that though. It was so fresh and yummy. The juiciness of the clams still lingers. I could recall vividly how it tasted the moment I put it in my mouth.

That's all for the short trip. Thank you for making it memorable guys!
To more trips in future, hopefully :))

Yours truly,

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Changes at work
Thursday, March 26, 2015 || 3:48 p.m.

And as it gets mundane due to the absences of my close ones, it became worst when another one of my close is leaving me, again. This changes that i'm facing is affecting me emotionally. Here I am, left, alone. Just like how i started my day 1 at work. Not that i don't have any other colleagues. Yes, i do. But the feeling of having colleagues who you can trust and click along is different than just the normal colleagues. In fact, when i say my close ones, it means they're more than just colleagues to me.

It's a little depressing knowing i need to find new close ones at work, in which, it's a challenge for me. I'm thankful for the presence of B in my life. It gives me another motivation to keep pursuing what i want in life. That's life isn't it? The only constant thing that changes is changes itself. Changes will constantly happens even if we don't want it to happen. As for us, the only thing we could do is to adapt to these changes. Emotional support is definitely crucial to help us cope along the changes in life. That's how human cope in life. We depend on each other.

Thank god that i got closer to a bunch who pretty much can click along with who i am. The faith i have within god is the only thing that motivates me to be a better individual.

Thank you for all the blessings i've been given. Alhamdulillah.

Yours truly,

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