pressure.

tell me god.

what's wrong with me?
love, sorry.

had ssp yst. ended so late. i reached hm like nearly 11. urgh. damn lethargic & projects piling up. and situation ard me hadnt been helping me. and maybe its just me too. i guess.

and no matter how tired i am, my ssp mates are always there, never failed to put a smile on my face. thanks loved ones! the trainings are becoming more intensive & same goes to the no of porjects works im receiving.

and i just dnt knw who to confront to right nw. bcause it seems that everything seems to fall apart. and nt the way it used to be. and its so saddening. was it because of me? am i always the cause of the trouble? am i always making other huamn's life difficult ? or am i just being too hard on myself?

and i thought i was strong enough to face all these. and no matter hw hard i tried, somehw someday, i knew i'll fall dwn.

nevertheless, despite all these the 5th was a blast. and love, you're still as wonderful as ever. and sorry fr being hard.

like right now, im clueless on what/how to react. dnt keep blaming me. cause im helpless myself. & i just hate myself so much. so much of telling myself that i wnt t make you smile bt things had always been backfired due to god-knows-why. and it just seems so hard. and letting you go? i dnt think so. i dnt knw.

but so far, honestly, love you've been great.
and i just cnt stop blaming myself fr yr condition.
that glance frm eyes just broke my heart into pieces.
you've taught me so much out of this r/s.
you're always there for me, listening to my whines & shits.
and when im down you've always tried to lift up my spirit.
and i admit that at times i can be so tough for you.
bt never did i thought of being apart from you.
because deep inside, only god knows how much you mean to me.
cause every moments spent, was much appreciated.
always never failed to impress me with those little things, though those words werent mention.
still, everynight, the thought of you and your whereabouts, never failed to linger in my mind.
and that nightmare i had, really scared me out of my wits.
because it feels so real & i kept on praying nt to let be real.
cause if it really happens, i just dnt knw whether am i strong enough to go through it.
and god, please, dnt let it happen.
not right nw. please?

loves,
saf.